I really pondered the possibility of starting a blog....who wants to read about my life in a 7 X 6 cube?......this is more for my sanity than your enjoyment so deal with it....
The title says it all......I have been stuck in a cube for 384 days so far...(less the weekends)......but don't feel sorry for me, I am in love.....she is thin and black and loves when I push all the right buttons...I call her Dell-icious or Dell for short.....though she doesn’t say much, she doesn't need to.....all day long she lets me touch her in ways no others do.......9 hours a day we just stare at each other as my fingers do the work.....we have something special that no one can take away....Here is a run down of my day.....
8 AM: The short walk into the building from my parking spot is the time that I take to get "pumped" for the day.....Walking though the door I give Veronica (recently divorced) a wink....she is always wearing a very low cut shirt and can't seem to keep her pencil from dropping out of her hand as I walk by....We make small talk as she bites her bottom lip and hands me my files for the day.....I fight to make eye contact.....[OK, I totally made that up in hopes that you would keep reading.......Veronica, is in fact, a middle aged black man that waves to me as I walk by...if he bit his bottom lip while talking to me I would probably start to cry. The low cut shirt part is 100% factual.] After hanging my coat I make my rounds though the office and high five everyone I see....I AM BMOC......Yeah....I did close 3 deals yesterday and I'll probably do 4 today.....
9 AM: I sit down with Dell and we begin to flirt.....I turn her on right away....I can tell because she starts glowing.....FACE TIME! Yep, time to check the mini feed.....ooooo looks like someone posted pictures....I can go ahead and pencil that in for around 2pm......Because of how cool I am, it usually take about an hour to write back to all the wall posts I have....don't rush me bro....gotta keep this shit witty.
10 AM-12 PM: This is where it gets good.......Crunch time baby.........I run reports that are completely unnecessary......but it looks damn good.....I have all kinds of useless info over here.....you need a pie chart? I have 2!......what about a bar graph.....yeah I can work one of those in there.......I always look busy.......Name repetition, quickest way to the top.At about 12 I start pre-gaming for lunch.....yep, I have my visa.....just incase someone broke into my apt, walked into my room and took it out of my pants pocket and was nice enough to replace my wallet...you never know......After arranging my pens and post-its I have a solid 29 minutes to decide what horrible chain restaurant I will be visiting......the choice is usually made by deducting what places wont make me hope that no one smells that later.
2 PM: OK, back from lunch......just kidding...I really don’t take 2 hour lunches but I do stretch my hour every once in a while...ohhhh....hell yeah it is 2 o'clock time to check out those newly posted pictures......with any luck I'll see some side boob...I wont bore you with the rest of my day....but this is about as exciting as it gets.....is this really what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life....maybe I will purchase a hermit crab to keep in my pocket.....that would keep it interesting....I could always liven up the day by building a paper clip chain or use my electric letter opener to make confetti....or I could gouge my eyes out with a Sharpie....I have options
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