So last night, just hanging out, having a few beers at the bar. Normal Wednesday (I always frat hard). After about 4 beers and no dinner it was time to let the trouser snake breath. This is the point of the story where I need to you to visualize what I describe.
Walking into the restroom, there are 4 urinals directly in front of me. To the right, along the same wall, there are 2 stalls. I don’t know why they put those there because no one poops at the bar. Except, that one time at Galletts. It was life or death, trust me.
Back to the story. So, I walk in and I’m the only person in the restroom. I choose the urinal that is to the far right directly next to the stall. I chose this one because I am courteous and went to the furthest one down the line so no one has to walk past me as I hold my Cyclops. As I start to let loose and read the ad for a reality company, that clearly chose a random blond with fake boobs off the street for their ad, I hear the door open. I was there alone so I knew that it was no one I knew so I had no need to look over my shoulder. The guy takes 4 steps into the bathroom. Then he paused.
What the fuck was he doing. I started to strain hard. Pee splashing off the back of the urinal onto my hand because of the powerful flow I was producing. I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there. Then it got really weird.
Man law states that you must skip a urinal between users. Even if there are 3 urinals only 2 people can go at the same time (this means that 3 urinals are just as useful as 4, only 2 can go at a time). Well this mother fucker walks up and stands at the urinal next to me and unzips his pants. He stands there for about 2 seconds, zips his pants back up and walks behind me to go to a stall…I am tripping the fuck out. Was this some kind of secret code that let a man in the ceiling know that it was ok to jump out and pound me in the ass? The guy continues into the stall and begins to pee. Now, I have learned over the years there are 3 kinds of people you don’t trust.
1. First and foremost: Poor People
2. The man at the mall that says he will give you $7 if you follow him into the back hallway and show him your wiener (I should have seen that coming from a mile away. Oh well I was 21, young and stupid).
3. The guy that pees in the stall.
What the fuck is wrong with the stall guy. Did he have some crazy experience where a man peeing in a urinal killed his family back in 89? Was he the victim of wandering eyes? Or does he simply think that standing next to another man while touching your wiener is weird. What a loser. One of the best things about being a man is that I can talk to the man peeing next to me at a truck stop about the deal I can get on a CB radio. I can talk to the guy at the bar about that skank that just walked to her car alone and if I should follow. It is a beautiful thing. The man that pees in the stall is no friend of mine nor is his friend that is hiding in the ceiling.
Walking into the restroom, there are 4 urinals directly in front of me. To the right, along the same wall, there are 2 stalls. I don’t know why they put those there because no one poops at the bar. Except, that one time at Galletts. It was life or death, trust me.
Back to the story. So, I walk in and I’m the only person in the restroom. I choose the urinal that is to the far right directly next to the stall. I chose this one because I am courteous and went to the furthest one down the line so no one has to walk past me as I hold my Cyclops. As I start to let loose and read the ad for a reality company, that clearly chose a random blond with fake boobs off the street for their ad, I hear the door open. I was there alone so I knew that it was no one I knew so I had no need to look over my shoulder. The guy takes 4 steps into the bathroom. Then he paused.
What the fuck was he doing. I started to strain hard. Pee splashing off the back of the urinal onto my hand because of the powerful flow I was producing. I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there. Then it got really weird.
Man law states that you must skip a urinal between users. Even if there are 3 urinals only 2 people can go at the same time (this means that 3 urinals are just as useful as 4, only 2 can go at a time). Well this mother fucker walks up and stands at the urinal next to me and unzips his pants. He stands there for about 2 seconds, zips his pants back up and walks behind me to go to a stall…I am tripping the fuck out. Was this some kind of secret code that let a man in the ceiling know that it was ok to jump out and pound me in the ass? The guy continues into the stall and begins to pee. Now, I have learned over the years there are 3 kinds of people you don’t trust.
1. First and foremost: Poor People
2. The man at the mall that says he will give you $7 if you follow him into the back hallway and show him your wiener (I should have seen that coming from a mile away. Oh well I was 21, young and stupid).
3. The guy that pees in the stall.
What the fuck is wrong with the stall guy. Did he have some crazy experience where a man peeing in a urinal killed his family back in 89? Was he the victim of wandering eyes? Or does he simply think that standing next to another man while touching your wiener is weird. What a loser. One of the best things about being a man is that I can talk to the man peeing next to me at a truck stop about the deal I can get on a CB radio. I can talk to the guy at the bar about that skank that just walked to her car alone and if I should follow. It is a beautiful thing. The man that pees in the stall is no friend of mine nor is his friend that is hiding in the ceiling.
