OK…before I get started, did anyone realize that they are now printing $100 bills with big faces on them. All of mine have small faces….weird.
So the other day I was walking around the grocery store while on the phone with the girlfriends sister…yeah, high five! We were talking about our careers and shooting the shit about what the other was picking up for dinner. Wondering around, I noticed that the South Charlotte store was full of FratStars.
Wha?
I will not be out done…every move I make is strategically planned to make me better than you. You will never be on my level.
Freaking out, I immediately looked down into my basket.
“Do I have any off brand food? Was that on sale?”
Not a chance. There is a reason California Pizza Kitchen makes a pizza….it is not because their frozen pizza taste better than the rest. It is strictly for image. That pizza is very similar to a Louis Vuitton bag in the mall. Yeah, any old bag would work. But news flash, IM NOT FUCKING POOR.
That is exactly the message that my pizza sends.
I continue to walk around. “Oh, great news, Burberry makes waffles. I’ll get some of those with Vineyard Vines syrup. Scratch that, no one wants to smell like the fat kid in elementary school (put the syrup back).”
As I check out I glance around at others in the checkout lanes (never use the self checkout line. Who uses the self check lane? All together now….POOR PEOPLE).
“Ha ha ha…that girl is buying Deer Park water.”
If it isn’t in glass or a square plastic bottle it doesn’t touch my hand.
Two lanes down a guy handed his keys to the check out girl. She scanned some plastic card that gave him discounts. I squinted to look harder. Nope, he was not 87. Therefore this is unacceptable FratStar behavior. Be 100% sure that if ever hand someone my keys I fully expect them to pull my fucking car to the door.
Now that I have given myself a chance to observe these fake fratters, I slowly begin to calm down.
I am better than them. They love me. They want to be me. All is right in the world.
So the other day I was walking around the grocery store while on the phone with the girlfriends sister…yeah, high five! We were talking about our careers and shooting the shit about what the other was picking up for dinner. Wondering around, I noticed that the South Charlotte store was full of FratStars.
Wha?
I will not be out done…every move I make is strategically planned to make me better than you. You will never be on my level.
Freaking out, I immediately looked down into my basket.
“Do I have any off brand food? Was that on sale?”
Not a chance. There is a reason California Pizza Kitchen makes a pizza….it is not because their frozen pizza taste better than the rest. It is strictly for image. That pizza is very similar to a Louis Vuitton bag in the mall. Yeah, any old bag would work. But news flash, IM NOT FUCKING POOR.
That is exactly the message that my pizza sends.
I continue to walk around. “Oh, great news, Burberry makes waffles. I’ll get some of those with Vineyard Vines syrup. Scratch that, no one wants to smell like the fat kid in elementary school (put the syrup back).”
As I check out I glance around at others in the checkout lanes (never use the self checkout line. Who uses the self check lane? All together now….POOR PEOPLE).
“Ha ha ha…that girl is buying Deer Park water.”
If it isn’t in glass or a square plastic bottle it doesn’t touch my hand.
Two lanes down a guy handed his keys to the check out girl. She scanned some plastic card that gave him discounts. I squinted to look harder. Nope, he was not 87. Therefore this is unacceptable FratStar behavior. Be 100% sure that if ever hand someone my keys I fully expect them to pull my fucking car to the door.
Now that I have given myself a chance to observe these fake fratters, I slowly begin to calm down.
I am better than them. They love me. They want to be me. All is right in the world.
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