Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams

I'm moving on up.

I just bought the website:

www.youcantbeme.com

If you need me i'll be on the veranda.

I've Got Answers

So along with all the hate mail and marriage proposals, I randomly get emails asking my advice. Who else to let you know if poor is contagious, what is acceptable only when drunk and if fat girls will really do more stuff.

I've been there folks. I am your regular fratstar Dear Abby. So shoot me a few questions. I'll do my best to make sure you stay on your A game and don't get caught up in mix of $30,000 millionaires.

Drop me a note at:

liveinacube@gmail.com

Letter To My Future Wife

Hey GF,

OMG, I can’t W8 to be your BF. ;)~. You are totes the gurl for me. @---‘--- (a flower for you)! My BFF’s and I have been chillin all day at my rents place playing MASH. GREAT NEWS. You are going to be hot. We will have 2 kids, live in a mansion, and drive a Corvette! At least that is what the game told me LOL. What is the 411 on that boi in your class? J/K I I don’t really care LMAO. WTF….another spelling test this week?!? Your teacher is such a B! Just an FYI, don’t hang out with the gurl that rides the bus. She has a bad case of the poor.

Tlk2uL8r!

P

Ps. No one know how to make a cursive “Z” so it’s kewl!

Translation (for everyone over 13)

Hello,

I wanted to write you and say hi. Someday we will meet each other and fall desperately in love. Until then I can only wait and hope that the path you are on is the quickest path to me. I know you will meet other men before me, that’s ok. You will face many choices in life: where you will live, the school you will attend and the career path you take. Whatever life brings you make sure to choose your friends wisely. People judge you by the company you keep.

All my love,

Patrick

Ps. All of the previously stated becomes null and void if you are fat. Kisses.