So after a couple months of being single, I have some insight to offer. This will take the thinking out of whether or not a girl gets a second date. Being that I am incredibly good looking and wealthy she was lucky to get the first date. This is part one in a five part series that will evaluate the 5 girls that don’t get a second date. Print this; put it in your pocket. You may need to reread this in the bathroom while you leave her at the table.
The Salsa Refill Girl
So it's a first date and totally acceptable to go to a Mexican restaurant.
STOP: Get those poor thoughts out of your head. Not the Mexican restaurant that sell a piss flavored Margarita. I’m talking about the one that has servers that speak English. If you have never been to one of these please stop reading now. You are wasting time when you should probably be mowing someone’s lawn for extra money.
So back to the Salsa Refill Girl.
You walk in and are seated. Chances are you look like a frat star (like myself) and they want to put you near the front so people walking in can see beautiful people eat here. Sitting down she will most likely begin to tell you about some crap job she has, eg. “I just really love the way the children smile at me after their visit to the museum.”. This is actually what you hear, “I just really blah blah blah POOR blah blah POOR blah museum.”
NEWS FLASH! Babe, if you not topless, I’m not listening.
As the date progress you begin to think Patrick Bateman thoughts, “You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.”After a few minutes you notice that she is looking around franticly. Has she forgotten her name and where she is? Did she just think she saw the father that used to beat her? Maybe she has to shit and is looking for the closest potted plant. Then you realize what it is. This chic has eaten the fuck out of a basket of chip and practically chugged the salsa. Yes, all of it. The green and the red kind.
Does she not realize that you are about to purchase a meal for her? The chips are simply something to decorate the table and make it look festive. Maybe one or two are acceptable but they are not meant to be a substitute for an appetizer.
She won’t stop looking around. She puts her hand up to any waiter or waitress that walks buy. It doesn’t matter if they are on the other side of the room. SHE NEEDS TO FEED. Something is wrong here. You never expected this. How does she eat this much and stay so skinny? A smile works across your face. You had stumbled across a purger. Wait, focus. Yes she will be skinny her whole life but she will eventually lose her hair and her teeth will be grey (small smile again). No, you have to get out of this.
You have two options:
1. Stab yourself in the hand with your fork.
2. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and leave.
Don’t worry. She won’t notice you have left until there is another heaping basket of chips and bowl of salsa to calm her down.
You are free. Needless to say, she is not second date material.
So it's a first date and totally acceptable to go to a Mexican restaurant.
STOP: Get those poor thoughts out of your head. Not the Mexican restaurant that sell a piss flavored Margarita. I’m talking about the one that has servers that speak English. If you have never been to one of these please stop reading now. You are wasting time when you should probably be mowing someone’s lawn for extra money.
So back to the Salsa Refill Girl.
You walk in and are seated. Chances are you look like a frat star (like myself) and they want to put you near the front so people walking in can see beautiful people eat here. Sitting down she will most likely begin to tell you about some crap job she has, eg. “I just really love the way the children smile at me after their visit to the museum.”. This is actually what you hear, “I just really blah blah blah POOR blah blah POOR blah museum.”
NEWS FLASH! Babe, if you not topless, I’m not listening.
As the date progress you begin to think Patrick Bateman thoughts, “You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.”After a few minutes you notice that she is looking around franticly. Has she forgotten her name and where she is? Did she just think she saw the father that used to beat her? Maybe she has to shit and is looking for the closest potted plant. Then you realize what it is. This chic has eaten the fuck out of a basket of chip and practically chugged the salsa. Yes, all of it. The green and the red kind.
Does she not realize that you are about to purchase a meal for her? The chips are simply something to decorate the table and make it look festive. Maybe one or two are acceptable but they are not meant to be a substitute for an appetizer.
She won’t stop looking around. She puts her hand up to any waiter or waitress that walks buy. It doesn’t matter if they are on the other side of the room. SHE NEEDS TO FEED. Something is wrong here. You never expected this. How does she eat this much and stay so skinny? A smile works across your face. You had stumbled across a purger. Wait, focus. Yes she will be skinny her whole life but she will eventually lose her hair and her teeth will be grey (small smile again). No, you have to get out of this.
You have two options:
1. Stab yourself in the hand with your fork.
2. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and leave.
Don’t worry. She won’t notice you have left until there is another heaping basket of chips and bowl of salsa to calm her down.
You are free. Needless to say, she is not second date material.
4 comments:
Patrick this to me confirms that you are gay. Any straight man would wait and see if she's the type of girl that puts out on the first date, then get rid of her. Right now she's thin, has all of her hair, and her teeth haven't begun to rot. Granted you might want to slip her some Scope and tell her its mint schnapps first.
love it. always always always burst out laughing when i read your blogs!
I'm a breasts man. Typically girls with large breast eat healthy, so I say have all the chips you want as long as I can have some milk.
Post a Comment