Sometimes I lie awake late at night and wonder about the future. Where will I be? What job will I have? What will be the name of my robot dog? These are a few of the questions that scare me the most. I have decided to write my future self a letter. Being that the interweb is going to be around forever, I figured that posting it here would secure the fact that future Patrick reads it.
Dear Future Patrick (2011),
Let me start this letter by saying no, you are not gay, even if you did happen to finish at the same exact time they zoomed in on the male porn stars face. It was once....and they tricked you. Now that we have that out of the way......
So right now I'm dating this chic "J".....yeah I know, 1987....I bet you're dating some chic that was born in like 1995 (learn from the past, check her ID). Is she a freak? E-highfive! We are amazing. Is sex the same on the moon? Is zero gravity a form of birth control? WHO CARES we never use that shit anyways.
I'm sure you have a really awesome robot dog that that cooks chicken pot pies for you all the time. Man I love chicken pot pie....I guess you know that though. Is it illegal to have sex with a robot dog in the future? Just wondering.
I bet you make tons of money now. I have a little suprise for you. Here in my time (2008) I put about $157 into an off shore savings account. By offshore, I mean that I gave it to a guy in the Bahamas to hold and invest. I'm sure he has been making that money work for us. His contact information is as follows:
Goff Ukyurself
+ 001 911-867-5309
YOU'RE WELCOME.....we're loaded now I'm sure.
Well you are probably busy doing something really cool. Can't wait until I'm you.
Best,
Present Patrick (2008)
PS. If you could write back I'd really like some confirmation on that whole porn accident thing....It only happens once right?
Dear Future Patrick (2011),
Let me start this letter by saying no, you are not gay, even if you did happen to finish at the same exact time they zoomed in on the male porn stars face. It was once....and they tricked you. Now that we have that out of the way......
So right now I'm dating this chic "J".....yeah I know, 1987....I bet you're dating some chic that was born in like 1995 (learn from the past, check her ID). Is she a freak? E-highfive! We are amazing. Is sex the same on the moon? Is zero gravity a form of birth control? WHO CARES we never use that shit anyways.
I'm sure you have a really awesome robot dog that that cooks chicken pot pies for you all the time. Man I love chicken pot pie....I guess you know that though. Is it illegal to have sex with a robot dog in the future? Just wondering.
I bet you make tons of money now. I have a little suprise for you. Here in my time (2008) I put about $157 into an off shore savings account. By offshore, I mean that I gave it to a guy in the Bahamas to hold and invest. I'm sure he has been making that money work for us. His contact information is as follows:
Goff Ukyurself
+ 001 911-867-5309
YOU'RE WELCOME.....we're loaded now I'm sure.
Well you are probably busy doing something really cool. Can't wait until I'm you.
Best,
Present Patrick (2008)
PS. If you could write back I'd really like some confirmation on that whole porn accident thing....It only happens once right?
